Do you know where I’m going? I do not. Over and over again I’m forced to drop my expectations and continue forward in uncertainty. I don’t know where I’m going and yet it seems that the journey I’m on now is far more an inner journey than an outer one and it’s taking me to some very unexpected places and some of those places are places I would rather not go.
So why bother? Because I have nowhere else to go. I have no home. I am a drifter, an aimless nomad, regardless of where I am. I travel to these painful inner places because the peace and rest I long for are not to be found in a cozy house with a hot cup of cocoa. Don’t get me wrong, I love a hot cup of cocoa but it’s not long before the cup is empty and the cocoa is gone, along with all its promises of warmth and safety.
Maybe that’s why I’ve never been much of a world traveler, I don’t put an overwhelming value on location. It’s hilarious that I’m in India because I don’t really care that much about seeing the world and having all of these amazing experiences and seeing all these incredible things. It’s not that those things are not valuable and formational because they are. It’s only that they are so utterly secondary to our inner journeys. The two are often connected, without a doubt, but personally I’m more inclined to let my inner journey guide my outer one, as much as possible.
That’s why I’m here. Nothing magical, I just tried to listen to that voice within that calls me to my true home inside of myself where Love dwells. And this is where I ended up.
I’m learning to live one day at a time because each day is a gift and there are no guarantees in life. That does not mean I live each day as if it’s my last because that’s just stupid in a culture obsessed with avoiding death and trying to pack in as much as possible into life in order to get the ‘best value’ possible.
No, living each day as a gift means that we hold it loosely, that we listen to the voice of the Sacred within us and try to be fully present wherever we are. It’s not a frantic race to do all that we feel compelled or obligated to do before we leave this world but a peaceful attentiveness to the Love that created us where we are able to receive it and then allow it to flow freely into the world around us from our true center.
I don’t know where I’m going in this world and yet it is becoming more and more irrelevant. I just know that I’m going home.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Darkness
There are some things that no one else can do for us. Those things tend to be the more significant parts of life and the work can be quite challenging if not altogether daunting. It is the internal work where others cannot enter.
In the last month or so I've shared an incredibly wide array of conversations with a number of very different people with very different life perspectives and it has truly been a blessed opportunity. It always fascinates me to hear how other people make sense of the world and themselves, and in my better moments I don't even find it that threatening to my own beliefs, only enriching.
I knew that coming to India was going to be a very formational experience, I just didn't know how. Well, I had some vague ideas, as I was planning on doing volunteer work, but beyond that I had no clue as to where my journey was going to take me and what that path would look like. Truth be told, I still haven't much of a clue but I'm getting a general sense of a few things and, while important, they certainly don't seem to be that 'fun'. Well, not 'fun' in the sense of mini golf or birthday parties.
I've had some moments of real darkness in my life. I'm talking blackest of blacks, sheer darkness that did a lot of damage to the ol' psyche. On the positive side of things, I'm doing much better now. Yay! I've taken many steps forward and our Creator has been very generous and gracious to me, for some reason. But just because I'm doing better doesn't mean that the Darkness is gone. Things like that don't simply disappear and we don't 'outgrow' them, regardless of what we might hope or believe. It may become less visible or repressed, but it's still there and it still affects us, whether we want it to or not.
At one point, my solution was to simply give up and give in, to let the Darkness envelope everything within and around me. Not really a great solution but at the time it was the best I could muster. For some reason I managed to survive but the Darkness never really left, I just learned how to function (sort of) while it was still present. Hardly ideal and certainly not healthy.
Due to the traumatic life-altering experience that kick-started this newest chapter of my writings, I was forced to confront my Darkness again, head-on. I'm still not entirely sure why but things were different this time and rather than letting it have its way with me I was shown how to move beyond it and be present in my life with myself, others, and the Divine. I was fairly determined to not take the same path I had taken once before and I think God responded to that, thankfully. It has been an incredible six months and I have learned more about myself and Love then I ever could've imagined, though it certainly was not without some serious suffering and lasting scars. But scars are cool, right?
So here I am now, in a galax...uh, country far, far away. Now I'm being stared down by a new challenge, one that I would've gladly hired a stunt double. But the Director told me it needed to be more believable. Seriously, am I getting paid enough for this???
In experiencing my Darkness, I've tried to repress it, I've tried to ignore it, I've tried to move beyond it and I've even tried to let it consume me. What is left to do? I must willfully stand and face it. Honestly, I thought I had done so already, to some degree, but I suppose that's like saying I've 'faced' the school bully by observing him at recess from inside the classroom and then being thrown outside when I didn't want to go.
This isn't a fight I can win, not on my own, not by a long shot. I'm fairly okay with that, as I've never been much of a fighter anyway – I'm more of a lover;) And yet I still have to face it even if I'm not lacing up any gloves. I don't really feel like I'm ready, but I'm not sure that I'd ever feel ready so I guess now is as good a time as any. Well, given that I'm here for reasons more mysterious then I can make sense of, now seems to be the best time. Why? I don't know. I honestly don't really care. Doesn't matter that much. It just is.
I don't really know what's going to happen or what I'll look like in the end, I just know that if I want to move forward then this is the road I have to walk, painful or not. I'd opt for 'not' but as in many other life circumstances I was not given the choice. I'd probably have chosen poorly anyway so it's okay.
So what do you when faced with a Darkness that seems so vast and powerful?
You get a light.
It's not that complicated.
What else did you do when you were scared of the dark?
In the last month or so I've shared an incredibly wide array of conversations with a number of very different people with very different life perspectives and it has truly been a blessed opportunity. It always fascinates me to hear how other people make sense of the world and themselves, and in my better moments I don't even find it that threatening to my own beliefs, only enriching.
I knew that coming to India was going to be a very formational experience, I just didn't know how. Well, I had some vague ideas, as I was planning on doing volunteer work, but beyond that I had no clue as to where my journey was going to take me and what that path would look like. Truth be told, I still haven't much of a clue but I'm getting a general sense of a few things and, while important, they certainly don't seem to be that 'fun'. Well, not 'fun' in the sense of mini golf or birthday parties.
I've had some moments of real darkness in my life. I'm talking blackest of blacks, sheer darkness that did a lot of damage to the ol' psyche. On the positive side of things, I'm doing much better now. Yay! I've taken many steps forward and our Creator has been very generous and gracious to me, for some reason. But just because I'm doing better doesn't mean that the Darkness is gone. Things like that don't simply disappear and we don't 'outgrow' them, regardless of what we might hope or believe. It may become less visible or repressed, but it's still there and it still affects us, whether we want it to or not.
At one point, my solution was to simply give up and give in, to let the Darkness envelope everything within and around me. Not really a great solution but at the time it was the best I could muster. For some reason I managed to survive but the Darkness never really left, I just learned how to function (sort of) while it was still present. Hardly ideal and certainly not healthy.
Due to the traumatic life-altering experience that kick-started this newest chapter of my writings, I was forced to confront my Darkness again, head-on. I'm still not entirely sure why but things were different this time and rather than letting it have its way with me I was shown how to move beyond it and be present in my life with myself, others, and the Divine. I was fairly determined to not take the same path I had taken once before and I think God responded to that, thankfully. It has been an incredible six months and I have learned more about myself and Love then I ever could've imagined, though it certainly was not without some serious suffering and lasting scars. But scars are cool, right?
So here I am now, in a galax...uh, country far, far away. Now I'm being stared down by a new challenge, one that I would've gladly hired a stunt double. But the Director told me it needed to be more believable. Seriously, am I getting paid enough for this???
In experiencing my Darkness, I've tried to repress it, I've tried to ignore it, I've tried to move beyond it and I've even tried to let it consume me. What is left to do? I must willfully stand and face it. Honestly, I thought I had done so already, to some degree, but I suppose that's like saying I've 'faced' the school bully by observing him at recess from inside the classroom and then being thrown outside when I didn't want to go.
This isn't a fight I can win, not on my own, not by a long shot. I'm fairly okay with that, as I've never been much of a fighter anyway – I'm more of a lover;) And yet I still have to face it even if I'm not lacing up any gloves. I don't really feel like I'm ready, but I'm not sure that I'd ever feel ready so I guess now is as good a time as any. Well, given that I'm here for reasons more mysterious then I can make sense of, now seems to be the best time. Why? I don't know. I honestly don't really care. Doesn't matter that much. It just is.
I don't really know what's going to happen or what I'll look like in the end, I just know that if I want to move forward then this is the road I have to walk, painful or not. I'd opt for 'not' but as in many other life circumstances I was not given the choice. I'd probably have chosen poorly anyway so it's okay.
So what do you when faced with a Darkness that seems so vast and powerful?
You get a light.
It's not that complicated.
What else did you do when you were scared of the dark?
Monday, October 5, 2009
Attachment vs. Connection
Language is limited. At best it points towards truth and offers some glimpses of reality, at worst it distorts it entirely. And yet we need to veil these truths in symbols that we can understand and communicate. Sometimes that's easier said than done.
I've been thinking a great deal about the difference between 'attachment' and 'connection' or if there even is a difference. The more I've thought about it the more I've realized that regardless of what the dictionary definitions may be, I use these words in to make sense of concepts that I don't know how to otherwise communicate. Am I taking liberties to do so? Perhaps. But I'm going to do it anyway.
In my mind, when I think of two objects being 'attached', I imagine a forced connection, one that is not easily separable. I think of things like buttons on a shirt or my arm on my body or the cover on a cell phone. All of those things are connected and can certainly be separated but not without a fair amount of effort and the potential of damaging something. I would, however, hazard that there are differing degrees of attachment, as I would hope that removing the cover of a cell phone is much easier and filled with less risk than removing one's arm.
'Connection' conjures up images in my mind of things relating to electricity, like a power chord in an outlet. There is a lot of energy flowing through that but it can easily be removed without much difficulty and without any risk or worry of damage. In fact, it was designed that way, to be impermanent.
Metaphors break down so don't think about them too hard but I think my point is made. From my definitions, attachment is like connection but with claws. Sometimes attachment is necessary but sometimes it can be harmful and, as always, I'm not really talking about buttons or power chords, I'm talking about us.
I had searched and searched for a way to better understand the difference between those two ideas and yet came up empty handed. So I simply asked for a picture of it and was given one. Much easier than anticipated. When we're open to God/Universe/Transcendent Reality we will most certainly receive, though it may not always be what we expect. Such was the case with me. You'll have to bear with me because this image goes beyond my usual metaphors. I couldn't have thought of it on my own if I had tried.
Picture, if you will, two open hands. Now imagine energy flowing between the two in an arc, like a rainbow:) The two hands are connected through this energy though they are not touching. As long as both hands are open the energy will continue to flow and the connection will continue to exist. Now imagine what would happen if those two hands grew closer and closer until they became clasped. Surely the energy would be all the more intense, would it not? Sadly no, for as a fire needs air to breathe, so this energy also needs space to exist and without it the energy ceases to flow and the connection that it brought will be smothered.
What does all of this mean? Hmm, still figuring that out.
The thing that connects us in relationship with the world around us is Love and the more we try and grasp onto things and people, to use for our own purposes and desires, the less room there is for Love to exist. The thing that we deeply crave isn't really other things or people anyway but rather the Love that connects us. This Love will continue to flow through us as long as we are open to receiving it, though where it flows to is not something we should worry about. It flows where it flows; we can't control it.
All we can do is learn to open our hands.
I've been thinking a great deal about the difference between 'attachment' and 'connection' or if there even is a difference. The more I've thought about it the more I've realized that regardless of what the dictionary definitions may be, I use these words in to make sense of concepts that I don't know how to otherwise communicate. Am I taking liberties to do so? Perhaps. But I'm going to do it anyway.
In my mind, when I think of two objects being 'attached', I imagine a forced connection, one that is not easily separable. I think of things like buttons on a shirt or my arm on my body or the cover on a cell phone. All of those things are connected and can certainly be separated but not without a fair amount of effort and the potential of damaging something. I would, however, hazard that there are differing degrees of attachment, as I would hope that removing the cover of a cell phone is much easier and filled with less risk than removing one's arm.
'Connection' conjures up images in my mind of things relating to electricity, like a power chord in an outlet. There is a lot of energy flowing through that but it can easily be removed without much difficulty and without any risk or worry of damage. In fact, it was designed that way, to be impermanent.
Metaphors break down so don't think about them too hard but I think my point is made. From my definitions, attachment is like connection but with claws. Sometimes attachment is necessary but sometimes it can be harmful and, as always, I'm not really talking about buttons or power chords, I'm talking about us.
I had searched and searched for a way to better understand the difference between those two ideas and yet came up empty handed. So I simply asked for a picture of it and was given one. Much easier than anticipated. When we're open to God/Universe/Transcendent Reality we will most certainly receive, though it may not always be what we expect. Such was the case with me. You'll have to bear with me because this image goes beyond my usual metaphors. I couldn't have thought of it on my own if I had tried.
Picture, if you will, two open hands. Now imagine energy flowing between the two in an arc, like a rainbow:) The two hands are connected through this energy though they are not touching. As long as both hands are open the energy will continue to flow and the connection will continue to exist. Now imagine what would happen if those two hands grew closer and closer until they became clasped. Surely the energy would be all the more intense, would it not? Sadly no, for as a fire needs air to breathe, so this energy also needs space to exist and without it the energy ceases to flow and the connection that it brought will be smothered.
What does all of this mean? Hmm, still figuring that out.
The thing that connects us in relationship with the world around us is Love and the more we try and grasp onto things and people, to use for our own purposes and desires, the less room there is for Love to exist. The thing that we deeply crave isn't really other things or people anyway but rather the Love that connects us. This Love will continue to flow through us as long as we are open to receiving it, though where it flows to is not something we should worry about. It flows where it flows; we can't control it.
All we can do is learn to open our hands.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
I knew I wasn't alone in this!
I've been fascinated by Alcoholics Anonymous for a long time. Why? Well, for one because of the astounding success of the 12-Step program for so many people, including those written off as hopeless cases. As one who has struggled with addiction I can better appreciate the seemingly impossible odds that are overcome by those who have found freedom and strength through such a journey.
I also am just really intrigued at a lot of the principles they follow, that it's not about telling people what to believe or telling them what they should do or what works but by sharing and inviting. They share what has worked for them and what beliefs they hold that have helped them overcome their addiction and they invite others to try it for themselves.
But my primary fascination is found in their very loose concept of God or a 'Higher Power'.
They think the things that I've thought...only waaaay before I ever thought them. That's cool.
I just wanted to share some quotes from the 'Big Book' for A.A. members, sort of like their Bible, that I was offered by a friend I recently met who has been sober for 22 years:
“Much to our relief, we discovered we did not need to consider another's conception of God. Our own conception, however inadequate, was sufficient to make the approach and to effect a contact with God...We found that God does not make too hard terms with those who seek Him/Her. To us, the Realm of Spirit is broad, roomy, all inclusive; never exclusive or forbidding to those who earnestly seek. It is open, we believe, to all people.”
“Whether we agree with a particular approach or conception seems to make little difference. Experience has taught us that these are matters about which, for our purpose, we need not be worried. They are questions for each individual to settle for themselves. On one proposition, however, these men and women strikingly agree. Every one of them has gained access to, and believes in, a Power greater than themselves. This Power has in each case accomplished the miraculous, the humanly impossible.”
“We finally saw that faith in some kind of God was a part of our make-up, just as much as the feeling we have for a friend. Sometimes we had to search fearlessly but He/She was there. God was as much a fact as we were. We found the Great Reality deep down within us. In the last analysis it is only there that God may be found. It was so with us.”
Take it for what it's worth but that's a testimony to me that God cannot be put in a box with a nice bow on it and neither can any person or group or belief system prevent anyone from a relationship with this Higher Power. Some conceptions of God are likely more accurate than others but when I encounter people with these kind of experiences it is difficult for me to make a case that they are missing out greatly in life because they don't believe or understand things quite properly.
Obviously, belief in a Higher Power is only the beginning of the road to freedom and healing. It is all the rest of it that seems to really matter, where the rubber meets the road and we allow this Higher Power to enter our life and to shape us as we offer ourselves in willingness and humility.
Maybe the other big reason I feel so connected to the pathway offered by the 12-Steps is because its motto seems so applicable to all of life, and maybe even more so for me in India:
“One day at a time.”
I don't know about you but that's something I can get behind.
I also am just really intrigued at a lot of the principles they follow, that it's not about telling people what to believe or telling them what they should do or what works but by sharing and inviting. They share what has worked for them and what beliefs they hold that have helped them overcome their addiction and they invite others to try it for themselves.
But my primary fascination is found in their very loose concept of God or a 'Higher Power'.
They think the things that I've thought...only waaaay before I ever thought them. That's cool.
I just wanted to share some quotes from the 'Big Book' for A.A. members, sort of like their Bible, that I was offered by a friend I recently met who has been sober for 22 years:
“Much to our relief, we discovered we did not need to consider another's conception of God. Our own conception, however inadequate, was sufficient to make the approach and to effect a contact with God...We found that God does not make too hard terms with those who seek Him/Her. To us, the Realm of Spirit is broad, roomy, all inclusive; never exclusive or forbidding to those who earnestly seek. It is open, we believe, to all people.”
“Whether we agree with a particular approach or conception seems to make little difference. Experience has taught us that these are matters about which, for our purpose, we need not be worried. They are questions for each individual to settle for themselves. On one proposition, however, these men and women strikingly agree. Every one of them has gained access to, and believes in, a Power greater than themselves. This Power has in each case accomplished the miraculous, the humanly impossible.”
“We finally saw that faith in some kind of God was a part of our make-up, just as much as the feeling we have for a friend. Sometimes we had to search fearlessly but He/She was there. God was as much a fact as we were. We found the Great Reality deep down within us. In the last analysis it is only there that God may be found. It was so with us.”
Take it for what it's worth but that's a testimony to me that God cannot be put in a box with a nice bow on it and neither can any person or group or belief system prevent anyone from a relationship with this Higher Power. Some conceptions of God are likely more accurate than others but when I encounter people with these kind of experiences it is difficult for me to make a case that they are missing out greatly in life because they don't believe or understand things quite properly.
Obviously, belief in a Higher Power is only the beginning of the road to freedom and healing. It is all the rest of it that seems to really matter, where the rubber meets the road and we allow this Higher Power to enter our life and to shape us as we offer ourselves in willingness and humility.
Maybe the other big reason I feel so connected to the pathway offered by the 12-Steps is because its motto seems so applicable to all of life, and maybe even more so for me in India:
“One day at a time.”
I don't know about you but that's something I can get behind.
Friday, September 25, 2009
'Truth-Questing'
The title for this post comes from a dear friend of mine and his clever rhetorical skills. Plus, it sounds pretty frickn' sweet.
I'm finding more and more that truth does not come to us from 'out there' but from within. I think that it often appears that it comes to us from the outside because we encounter new experiences in the world that seem to reveal to us things we were previously unaware.
What I would offer, though, is a suggestion that perhaps the truth that we find has always been with us, we just haven't seen it. I think that there's a lot more to us than meets the eye - TRANSFORMERS - and that our innermost beings are only partially known to us. It's not about saying that since all truth is within me that I am some sort of a god. Not at all. But I think it's about recognizing that while we are finite and fragmented beings, something of the Infinite dwells within us.
One of the issues I have with some Christian thought is with the idea of the Holy Spirit. I have no problem with the idea that our Creator exists in a spiritual form that interacts with this realm in very real ways. I don't even have issues in saying that some people are more receptive to such a Spirit. What I take offense at is the notion that unless you receive this Spirit in some mystical way, it does not exist within you. I simply do not agree with that. It appears to imply that only some have the Divine within them, that humanity is born without any meaningful internal connection to Love and Truth and Beauty. That's not to say that all Christians believe that at all. But it is what I believed at one time.
Because I believe that God is Truth and I believe that God dwells in all of us, I believe that all of us have Truth within ourselves. Does that mean that if I go off into the woods by myself and sit and contemplate life and become open to hearing the voice of the Divine within me that I will reach 'enlightenment' and understand all that is to be understood? No. No, it does not. I think Truth is revealed to us as we are able to receive it and that there are many circumstances and experiences through which She/He chooses to be revealed and many of those seem to involve the physical world around us. On top of that, we'll just never have a complete handle on Truth. Our heads would explode...literally. Have you ever seen that movie, “Scanners”?
I believe that as we are more in touch with our center, as we work to clear away the debris blocking the path to our deepest self, there is more room for Truth enter us. But it is not entering us from the outside, it is entering our heart and mind from within, from our core where Truth makes its home. We are clearing the path so that it may be free to flow out of us!
I have met so many wonderful people of very different backgrounds and beliefs who have encountered Truth deeply and it is an amazing thing to behold! Truth is available to all and is in all. That doesn't mean we all have the same grasp of it or that all paths and beliefs lead to revealed Truth, but it does mean that if we are open to receiving it, if we truly seek it out, it will be found by us.
But why bother?
Hmm, good question. Because Truth is what tells us who we are as individuals, as humans and as a part of creation. Truth reveals to us how to live and why to live and more importantly it reveals to us Love, and Love is what keeps this world intact. It is the Force that created the universe and it is the Being who knit each of us together in the womb.
This is what Truth is, it is Love. And Love not as some abstract concept or naïve idealization but as the Source of all life and meaning.
I don't know about you, but to me that seems worth 'questing' for.
I'm finding more and more that truth does not come to us from 'out there' but from within. I think that it often appears that it comes to us from the outside because we encounter new experiences in the world that seem to reveal to us things we were previously unaware.
What I would offer, though, is a suggestion that perhaps the truth that we find has always been with us, we just haven't seen it. I think that there's a lot more to us than meets the eye - TRANSFORMERS - and that our innermost beings are only partially known to us. It's not about saying that since all truth is within me that I am some sort of a god. Not at all. But I think it's about recognizing that while we are finite and fragmented beings, something of the Infinite dwells within us.
One of the issues I have with some Christian thought is with the idea of the Holy Spirit. I have no problem with the idea that our Creator exists in a spiritual form that interacts with this realm in very real ways. I don't even have issues in saying that some people are more receptive to such a Spirit. What I take offense at is the notion that unless you receive this Spirit in some mystical way, it does not exist within you. I simply do not agree with that. It appears to imply that only some have the Divine within them, that humanity is born without any meaningful internal connection to Love and Truth and Beauty. That's not to say that all Christians believe that at all. But it is what I believed at one time.
Because I believe that God is Truth and I believe that God dwells in all of us, I believe that all of us have Truth within ourselves. Does that mean that if I go off into the woods by myself and sit and contemplate life and become open to hearing the voice of the Divine within me that I will reach 'enlightenment' and understand all that is to be understood? No. No, it does not. I think Truth is revealed to us as we are able to receive it and that there are many circumstances and experiences through which She/He chooses to be revealed and many of those seem to involve the physical world around us. On top of that, we'll just never have a complete handle on Truth. Our heads would explode...literally. Have you ever seen that movie, “Scanners”?
I believe that as we are more in touch with our center, as we work to clear away the debris blocking the path to our deepest self, there is more room for Truth enter us. But it is not entering us from the outside, it is entering our heart and mind from within, from our core where Truth makes its home. We are clearing the path so that it may be free to flow out of us!
I have met so many wonderful people of very different backgrounds and beliefs who have encountered Truth deeply and it is an amazing thing to behold! Truth is available to all and is in all. That doesn't mean we all have the same grasp of it or that all paths and beliefs lead to revealed Truth, but it does mean that if we are open to receiving it, if we truly seek it out, it will be found by us.
But why bother?
Hmm, good question. Because Truth is what tells us who we are as individuals, as humans and as a part of creation. Truth reveals to us how to live and why to live and more importantly it reveals to us Love, and Love is what keeps this world intact. It is the Force that created the universe and it is the Being who knit each of us together in the womb.
This is what Truth is, it is Love. And Love not as some abstract concept or naïve idealization but as the Source of all life and meaning.
I don't know about you, but to me that seems worth 'questing' for.
Monday, September 14, 2009
A Tale of Two Visions
We see things the way we see things.
No brainer.
How we see things says absolutely nothing about their validity. People suffering from paranoid schizophrenia may have all sorts of delusions about how they see the world but those delusions are not reflections of reality. What they see is real to them but it may not be real to the rest of the world.
While it could be said that there are many things that we can objectively know, some of the most significant and fundamental questions are little more than subjective opinion. Is there a God? If so, who is She/He? What is the meaning of life? What does it mean to be human? What is love? What happens after death? It's not that we can't know what's real, only that we can never really KNOW that we know, ya know? Right.
How we do we get arrive at the perspectives we have on life? Well, we're no doubt influenced by countless factors that I won't go into because I'm not an expert, though that has seldom stopped me before. Besides, that's not the significant part here. Regardless of how we end up with different understandings of the world around us, the point is that we do. We may all see the exact same things with our eyes but how we interpret those things can be greatly influenced by our personal perspectives.
One person could view the ordination of female priests as a massive heresy and a failure on the part of the Catholic church while others could view it as an extremely long overdue correction to millenia of patriarchy. It's all in how we see it.
It has become a growing problem for me to accept many of the beliefs and teachings of the 'church' and Christianity, in general. Certainly not all of them and maybe not even most of them but definitely some significant ones. What is a boy to do? It has only been recently that I have discovered the freedom to see things the way I see things. That might sound completely uninteresting but bear with me.
In the world of corporate belief, whether it be the Christianity of the West, the Buddhism of the East, or the Consumerism of a capitalistic society, there is less room for individual thought. It often seems to be the case that if we find a part of something to be true then we tend to accept the whole thing as true, if enough people sign on to it, whether it lines up with how we see the world or not. This tends to be encouraged by the groups themselves.
“If you want to be a [blank], this is what you need to believe, otherwise you don't belong.”
And we all want to belong, don't we? We want to belong to something bigger than ourselves, so it's easy to align ourselves with perspectives that we don't really share. Instead of trying to explore the deep questions of life from where we are and what we see, which seems so subjective and uncertain, it becomes very reasonable to simply accept that a particular belief system is true and then to try and align how we see things with how we are supposed to see things. After all, if millions of people believe it to be true then it must be true.
The problem is that millions of people believe very different things.
So how do we know which one is right? One of them has to be right, right?!?
It's very scary to think about such things, that we cannot have the firm grasp on truth that we desire. It's much easier clinging to a static set of corporate beliefs than to float around all over the place, changing our perspectives as we encounter new experiences and understandings. It's very scary and often uncomfortable, to which I can testify. I have no doubt that many would say holding onto one particular belief system does not mean your beliefs cannot change, and I would certainly affirm that.
The frustration I have is with the idea of starting with the assumption that an entire corporate belief system is true and then allowing our perspective to be refined in the midst of that, but always within the boundaries of the particular system.
What if instead of that we were encouraged to start from how we see and interpret things and then go from there? What if we were encouraged to explore the truthfulness of any number of different beliefs and then allow our perspective to be transformed in a fluid and dynamic way based on what resonates with our deepest self and what does not? That may sound individualistic but I don't believe it needs to be.
Can we not find a way to be in communion with one another regardless of what we believe? Can we not admit that none of us really knows the truth with certainty and that we all see the world through a unique set of lenses? To me that creates a beautiful kaleidescope that affirms all of our individual experiences without saying that one has innate authority over another.
Some may very well be more true than others but we can't make people see what they don't see. I think history has shown that. The discovery of truth should be gently mined by exploring experience through individual reflection and through mutual dialogue. Even if one believes in divine revelation, which I do, I would say that even that comes to us by those two processes.
What does all of this mean? I sound so wishy-washy, so postmodern and relativistic. I'm fine with that. I can be whatever labels people want to throw at me if that helps them process their own faith. Believing what is true is so much less important to me now than simply living authentically with how I see and understand the world.
I honestly believe that God is okay with me believing things that aren't true.
I have no doubt that I have beliefs that are untrue and that I see many things incorrectly. But I believe God cares more about our pursuit of Truth and will guide us to that truth if we are open to receiving it.
I think I've reached my 'heresy' quota for the next several years so I figure I'll stop there for now. If it makes you feel any better you are free to completely disregard everything I've written and continue on your way. No hard feelings and thanks for stopping by:)
No brainer.
How we see things says absolutely nothing about their validity. People suffering from paranoid schizophrenia may have all sorts of delusions about how they see the world but those delusions are not reflections of reality. What they see is real to them but it may not be real to the rest of the world.
While it could be said that there are many things that we can objectively know, some of the most significant and fundamental questions are little more than subjective opinion. Is there a God? If so, who is She/He? What is the meaning of life? What does it mean to be human? What is love? What happens after death? It's not that we can't know what's real, only that we can never really KNOW that we know, ya know? Right.
How we do we get arrive at the perspectives we have on life? Well, we're no doubt influenced by countless factors that I won't go into because I'm not an expert, though that has seldom stopped me before. Besides, that's not the significant part here. Regardless of how we end up with different understandings of the world around us, the point is that we do. We may all see the exact same things with our eyes but how we interpret those things can be greatly influenced by our personal perspectives.
One person could view the ordination of female priests as a massive heresy and a failure on the part of the Catholic church while others could view it as an extremely long overdue correction to millenia of patriarchy. It's all in how we see it.
It has become a growing problem for me to accept many of the beliefs and teachings of the 'church' and Christianity, in general. Certainly not all of them and maybe not even most of them but definitely some significant ones. What is a boy to do? It has only been recently that I have discovered the freedom to see things the way I see things. That might sound completely uninteresting but bear with me.
In the world of corporate belief, whether it be the Christianity of the West, the Buddhism of the East, or the Consumerism of a capitalistic society, there is less room for individual thought. It often seems to be the case that if we find a part of something to be true then we tend to accept the whole thing as true, if enough people sign on to it, whether it lines up with how we see the world or not. This tends to be encouraged by the groups themselves.
“If you want to be a [blank], this is what you need to believe, otherwise you don't belong.”
And we all want to belong, don't we? We want to belong to something bigger than ourselves, so it's easy to align ourselves with perspectives that we don't really share. Instead of trying to explore the deep questions of life from where we are and what we see, which seems so subjective and uncertain, it becomes very reasonable to simply accept that a particular belief system is true and then to try and align how we see things with how we are supposed to see things. After all, if millions of people believe it to be true then it must be true.
The problem is that millions of people believe very different things.
So how do we know which one is right? One of them has to be right, right?!?
It's very scary to think about such things, that we cannot have the firm grasp on truth that we desire. It's much easier clinging to a static set of corporate beliefs than to float around all over the place, changing our perspectives as we encounter new experiences and understandings. It's very scary and often uncomfortable, to which I can testify. I have no doubt that many would say holding onto one particular belief system does not mean your beliefs cannot change, and I would certainly affirm that.
The frustration I have is with the idea of starting with the assumption that an entire corporate belief system is true and then allowing our perspective to be refined in the midst of that, but always within the boundaries of the particular system.
What if instead of that we were encouraged to start from how we see and interpret things and then go from there? What if we were encouraged to explore the truthfulness of any number of different beliefs and then allow our perspective to be transformed in a fluid and dynamic way based on what resonates with our deepest self and what does not? That may sound individualistic but I don't believe it needs to be.
Can we not find a way to be in communion with one another regardless of what we believe? Can we not admit that none of us really knows the truth with certainty and that we all see the world through a unique set of lenses? To me that creates a beautiful kaleidescope that affirms all of our individual experiences without saying that one has innate authority over another.
Some may very well be more true than others but we can't make people see what they don't see. I think history has shown that. The discovery of truth should be gently mined by exploring experience through individual reflection and through mutual dialogue. Even if one believes in divine revelation, which I do, I would say that even that comes to us by those two processes.
What does all of this mean? I sound so wishy-washy, so postmodern and relativistic. I'm fine with that. I can be whatever labels people want to throw at me if that helps them process their own faith. Believing what is true is so much less important to me now than simply living authentically with how I see and understand the world.
I honestly believe that God is okay with me believing things that aren't true.
I have no doubt that I have beliefs that are untrue and that I see many things incorrectly. But I believe God cares more about our pursuit of Truth and will guide us to that truth if we are open to receiving it.
I think I've reached my 'heresy' quota for the next several years so I figure I'll stop there for now. If it makes you feel any better you are free to completely disregard everything I've written and continue on your way. No hard feelings and thanks for stopping by:)
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Next steps are scary when you are liable to fall on your head
There isn't a whole lot of conceptualizing at the moment as I sit in the lobby of my hostel in Kolkata, connected to the world via the wonders of technology.
Things tend to look different when you're, well, somewhere different. Sorry, nothing too deep in that one. I believe that this is the step I needed to take, whether I fall down or not. Without a doubt I will makes mistakes, possibly make a fool of myself on various occasions, and likely get sick at least a couple times.
Why?!?
I keep asking myself that same question...
God has new things to show me, things that I don't feel prepared for and things that I probably wasn't able to receive a while ago. Can I be attentive in the midst of such distraction and chaos? Can I listen to that still small voice within me that beckons me to find rest for my soul with its Creator? Can I get up when I trip and smack my head on the asphalt of life?
At the moment, my only hope is looking back at where I was at in life 8 months ago, I had no idea this is where I'd be, internally, nor would I have had any idea how I would've ended up here even if I had known this is where I'd be. That is one of the big reasons why I affirm the existence of a Transcendent Reality; there is too much growth in my heart that I am not responsible for and that I cannot explain. I know that I don't have what it takes to make this work for the next 8 months of my life but I have a Love that sustains me in my weakness and loved ones who help to remind me of who I am when I forget.
So here goes nothing.
Or - as I was corrected before my departure - here goes everything.
Things tend to look different when you're, well, somewhere different. Sorry, nothing too deep in that one. I believe that this is the step I needed to take, whether I fall down or not. Without a doubt I will makes mistakes, possibly make a fool of myself on various occasions, and likely get sick at least a couple times.
Why?!?
I keep asking myself that same question...
God has new things to show me, things that I don't feel prepared for and things that I probably wasn't able to receive a while ago. Can I be attentive in the midst of such distraction and chaos? Can I listen to that still small voice within me that beckons me to find rest for my soul with its Creator? Can I get up when I trip and smack my head on the asphalt of life?
At the moment, my only hope is looking back at where I was at in life 8 months ago, I had no idea this is where I'd be, internally, nor would I have had any idea how I would've ended up here even if I had known this is where I'd be. That is one of the big reasons why I affirm the existence of a Transcendent Reality; there is too much growth in my heart that I am not responsible for and that I cannot explain. I know that I don't have what it takes to make this work for the next 8 months of my life but I have a Love that sustains me in my weakness and loved ones who help to remind me of who I am when I forget.
So here goes nothing.
Or - as I was corrected before my departure - here goes everything.
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