Loneliness

It's a struggle that has plagued me for longer than I can recall, this feeling of being unknown and alone...and essentially unloved. The pain of loneliness can be so great because even the love that you may genuinely receive from others becomes tainted with the concept that you are not fully loved, loved for who you are, because you are not fully known and if you were then you would not be loved.

It's a battle that rages within my heart, within my inner self. You can't argue with your loneliness and rationally explain it away, though understanding it can play a significant role in learning to face it and walk through it.

My great spiritual guide as of late, Henri Nouwen, shares some profound thoughts relating to this when he was going through a time of serious self-doubt and depression due to the loss of an incredibly significant relationship in his life. I'm not usually a fan of quoting other people extensively but I could never hope to express his insight in a way that would come close to his own words.

This is, in essence, what I am walking through and these are the words that speak to me. They are words of life that God has generously offered me in the midst of such deep and yet necessary pain, and for such a gift I am deeply grateful.

"When you experience the deep pain of loneliness, it is understandable that your thoughts go out to the person who was able totake that loneliness away, even if only for a moment. When, underneath all the praise and acclaim, you feel a huge absence that makes everything look useless, your heart wants only one thing - to be with the person who once was able to dispel these frightful emotions. But it is the absence itself, the emptiness within you, that you have to be willing to experience, no the one who could temporarily take it away.

It is not easy to stay with your loneliness. The temptation is to nurse your pain or to escape into fantasies about people who will take it away. But when you can acknowledge your loneliness in a safe, contained place, you make your pain available for God's healing.

God does not want your loneliness; God wants to touch you in a way that permanently fulfills your deepest need. It is important that you dare to stay with your pain and allow it to be there. You have to own your loneliness and trust that it will not always be there. The pain you suffer now is meant to put you in touch with the place where you most need healing, your very heart. The person who was able to touch that place has revealed to you your pearl of great price.

It is understandable that everything you did, are doing, or plan to do seems completely meaningless compared with that pearl. That pearl is the experience of being fully loved. When you experience deep loneliness, you are willing to give up everything in exchange for healing. But no human being can heal that pain. Still, people will be sent to you to mediate God's healing, and they will be able to offer you the deep sense of belonging that you desire and that gives meaning to all you do.

Dare to stay with your pain, and trust in God's promise to you."

If I recited that to myself every day, I would, no doubt, be far more grounded, encouraged, and prepared to live my life in the face of this pain.

I pray that you would be blessed by these words of Henri as well.