"What is most important to me?" or "The Necessity of Ruthless Honesty"

It's so easy to deceive ourselves, especially when we seem to be moving forward in some way. But do we want to become better people or do we really want transformation? Honestly, I often just want to be free of fear and unhappiness, to find pleasure and comfort in life. What's wrong with that, right? Well, maybe nothing...but maybe everything.

It's not that those aspirations are 'wrong' but they will never lead me to transformation, to really becoming a vessel for God in this world in a significant way. Of course, the deepest part of who I am desperately wants to come to the surface and that means transformation, irreversible change. The question of what is most important forces us to confront the truth of where we are living from. The ego can do a fantastic job of pretending to be righteous and spiritual and loving but it is not our Authentic Self, that deepest dimension of who we always already are. It is not God. Without serious and deliberate self-inquiry, our ego can put on a good show that will fool not only the world around us but our own minds.

"What is most important to me?"

It's not a question that's answered once and for all but rather one that demands to be continually heard. Facing this question means that the 'jig is up', so to speak, that we can no longer hide behind shallow intentions and casual interest in manifesting Spirit in this world, bringing heaven to earth. Transformation is a never-ending process because creation is a never ending process, so there is no point where the work is ever completely done, which means there is no point where this question loses its potency and relevance.

The universe is asking us this question in every moment and we always respond, whether we want to or not. We answer by our lives, by where we put our attention and how we spend our time, by how we treat ourselves and others. There is no hiding from this Kosmic query. Good intentions are not enough. We can have good intentions all our life but never see them fulfilled unless they become our dominating motivations, unless they really do become most important. For most of us who want to become expressions of Love in this world, it's not really the most important thing. That doesn't mean we don't desire that only that the part of us that desires to be an expression of Love isn't the dominant part. That is what we need to be honest about if we really want to move forward.

If our foundation is not firm, what can we possibly build on top of it? This foundation has little to do with our theological beliefs and more to do with our motivation and intention. If we're unwilling to face ourselves where we actually are at in our development then I don't think we'll ever be able to support any kind of genuine transformation. A lack of awareness to this apparent truth seems to be one of the most significant obstacles for those of us actively engaging with the spiritual path.

The beautiful part of all of this is that it's terribly simple to ask the question, "What is most important to me?", even though the answer might be terribly frightening. So, as in many things, our spiritual curiosity and interest in facing this question needs to become greater than our fear. For many of us, that interest isn't there. But at least if we're confronted with the question then we can maybe become aware of our lack of interest! And, honestly, that can be a step forward.

Seriously, let's just be honest. If you're not convinced in Spirit as ultimately real and primary, that's fine. Just be honest about it. If you are convinced but you're apathetic, that's fine. Just be honest about it. If you're seriously exploring transformation but it's not the most important thing in the world to you, that's fine. Just be honest about it. If you seriously believe the movie "Titanic" is the greatest piece of film-making in history, please invest in seeing a therapist. That is not okay.

Are you picking up a theme here?

I do not want to be a vessel for Spirit in this world more than anything else. I do not want to be transformed more than anything else. I often allow fear and my thoughts and emotions to control my life. But I am willing to take some kind of step forward from where I am.

Let's all do that. We can sort out the details together as we go. But for the love of God - and one another - can we please be honest with ourselves, at the very least?