Nothing to fear...but fear itself

It's so much easier to do the 'right' thing when I feel like doing the 'right' thing. So much more difficult, internally, when I don't feel that way. I used to believe that I was more powerless, that I simply don't have the ability to go against what my internal emotions are telling me, that positive change happens when I can feel good about doing good.

At first glance, that's true. At second glance, it's partial, at best.

As I've mentioned before, numerous times, it's about what we really want most. What is that? Do we want to do what's right and to love others? If so, why don't we choose that all of the time? What is in our way? Or is it that we want to feel at peace? To feel free? To feel loved? None of those are bad feelings but if they are our guiding light then we 'll likely be led astray. Why? Because our subjective internal world of emotions is quite self-centered, and understandably so.

The reality is that doing the 'right' thing doesn't always elicit feelings of euphoria and emotional satisfaction. Sometimes doing what we know in our heart (our deeper Self) to be true doesn't 'feel' good at all! Sometimes it's incredibly uncomfortable and emotionally painful. The Christian narrative of the crucifixion paints a pretty clear picture of this.

Sometimes living out of our highest intentions of love are the most painful moments of our lives.

The fact that we often dismiss our higher ideals in favour of comfort - both internal and external - doesn't mean that those ideals disappear. They're still a part of us, we're just not expressing them very well. I would suggest that the reason that the Bible offers the encouragement to "not be afraid" so many times is that it is our very fear itself that is holding us back from expressing this deeper part of who we are that is always only interested in Love.

It seems that the opposite of love is not hate but rather fear. Love could be described as a complete and vulnerable giving of oneself while fear is holding back, pulling away, disengaging. Love embraces all of life while fear shuns what is painful. Love faces everything and avoids nothing while fear seeks to avoid everything uncomfortable and face only that which seems manageable. Love frees us from our self-centered isolation to give ourselves to God and to others while fear traps us in our small, personal world of "me", where the rest of the world seems very threatening.

Fear is powerful but it is only as powerful as we make it, for it only exists inside of us. All that we truly fear is within, whether we are consciously aware of that or not. Of course, it may seem as though what we fear is outside of ourselves but that is one of the great illusions. How could it possibly be so? Do we really fear a loved one leaving us or do we fear the pain of grief and loss? Do we fear the judgment of others or do we fear the pain of feeling they are right?

Fear begins and ends within us. We can either make it our master or our subject, the choice is ours. However, fear would have us believe that there is no choice at all, that we are slaves to our fear.

That. Is. A. Lie.

We are slaves only as long as we continue to bind ourselves. We can be free from fear if we truly want to be, if we are courageous enough to uncover that desire within each of us. We can be rid of its tyranny in an instant but this reality is not easy to bear. It means there are no more excuses. None. It means taking complete and utter responsibility for our choices, which is far more than my ego ever desires to take.

What if you were afraid of nothing? What if you were completely free? What would you do? What would life look like?

Freedom is the easy part. The hard part is letting go of our fear. But when our desire to be free surpasses our fear, real change can happen.

"Do I truly want to be free?"

This is the question I must continue to ask myself, again and again and again, no matter what the answer might be. I continue to ask in order to create space for the part of myself that very much does want to be free. And in that space, transformation is possible for us all.