Window Plastic...and an ocean of infinity

There is absolutely nothing metaphorical about that title, well, except for the ocean part. I put some plastic on the windows in my room today and thought I would share that with the world. My life is both rich and compelling.

Rather than seeing this blog as my window (no, it's not a reference to the title) through which I can share my 'vast' amounts of 'wisdom' with the world, I'm beginning to see it as more of an opportunity. It's an opportunity to see what comes up. It's relatively easy to share some profound insights when I'm feeling inspired and yet there is still much to share when I don't seem to feel inspired at all. It is taking a looooong time to learn this one.

Sitting here, seemingly uninspired, I have an opportunity to sit and be present with what comes up in my own awareness. Maybe what arises will be profound or simple or exciting or mundane but it is what it is. And given that I'm not attempting to write a book here, one gets what one pays for. All kidding aside, it's an opportunity for growth not just for someone reading this but for ME! That might sound quite selfish but what I'm really pointing to is the reality that there is never any moment where we are not able to receive, where we are not able to learn and grow - if we are willing.

My friend, Darwin, has taught me much about this. We've known each other for a few years and it has been good getting to know him better as time goes on. Darwin's a really simple guy, in many ways. He doesn't have a computer or a car, he loves making awesome mix tapes (he recently showed me his new CD recorder so he can make sweet mix CDs instead!) and he's almost always smiling...and possibly holding a Coke in his hand.

He doesn't have a huge circle of friends so, at first, I felt like my spending time with him was more of a gift that I could offer to him, that I might be able to share some inspiring thoughts or stir up some deep philosophical questions or some such nonsense. I thought that since I was further ahead on my journey, in some ways, that it was I who had so much to offer and yet I would often feel anxiety because I didn't know how to offer any of it! I felt disappointed that I didn't know how to be what I thought of as a better friend.

Gradually, I've come to recognize my own arrogance and narcissism in all of this. I believed that since I was further along, in a 'better' place, that in order to relate I had to bring myself down to his level or help him up to my level, that somehow that was the only way we could really connect in a meaningful way. Ah, so naive...

One of most beautiful aspects of the life of Jesus, for me, was his relationality, his willingness and ability to meet anyone and everyone wherever they were at, whether they were a priest or a tax collector, an adulterer or someone with mental illness. I believe he connected with people so deeply partly because of where he was at and his unwillingness to move from that place, to compromise, but also because he didn't demand they move from where they were for that connection to happen. He offered another way, the way of Presence.

Jesus was fully present to those around him and those who were willing to embrace that presence, such as his disciples, discovered the incredible profoundness of his life - of Life itself. Why was this so? Because it was deep calling to deep. The infinite Divine that was lived through Jesus was calling to that same Spirit in those around him. And this same Spirit inhabits the eternal 'now' of this very moment and when we become interested in being fully present then we do as Jesus did and we radiate God into the world through us, through our lives. And when we encounter others willing to do this same thing, amazing things can happen. That's the stuff of miracles.

Once I finally stopped struggling to be a certain way around my friend, Darwin, I became more free to simply 'be'. And I discovered that there was not only freedom in this but also a quiet joy that is shared because of his own willingness to be present. In fact, it has largely been through his presence that I felt safe enough to drop my ego's expectations and join with him in savouring this moment. I now more deeply enjoy our times together and look forward to them. While they lack some of the depth and intensity that I enjoy sharing in some of my other relationships, that is just fine, I am learning.

God dwells in the present, if we're wondering where to look. And while it is true that we are all at different places in our own development, true presence is the great common denominator that bridges all differences because in the present we encounter the infinite. And when we're truly present, it doesn't matter how profound or simple or exciting or mundane our experience is because, like swimming in the ocean, it doesn't matter how deep or shallow we are, we're still gonna be wet!

May we all swim in the vast ocean of the infinite Mystery.