Implications

I'm realizing that one of the most significant reasons I don't share in this space more frequently is that part of me doesn't want to face the implications that emerge.

My ego says that I really mustn't having anything substantial to say because if I did I would feel a strong desire to share it with others and engage in dialogue, learning and growing in the process. "If I really had something worth sharing," says the ego, "it would be obvious and wouldn't require much effort to express." It also offers excuses such as, "I'm not ready," as if I should wait for the point when I'm somehow mystically ready to write some words on a page and then my literary contributions can serve as an expression of the Divine.

The beautiful truth about 'enlightenment,' or being a vessel for God in the world, is that it's a position that's always available to us in every moment, if we're able to see it and willing to align our lives with it. There's no 'prep work' involved in being a liberated human being for Spirit. There is a huge amount of effort to be made and work to be done in getting any of us to a place where we can see this reality and embrace its implications and consequences, but as for the actual 'living it out,' there's nothing to prepare for, no assembly required.

In theological terms, we could say that we simply need to surrender our lives to God and then God will do the rest. Another way would be to say that we need to give up our identification with our ego and choose to align our lives with the deepest dimension of who we are, which is not separate from the creative process itself that gave birth to us. Whatever way we choose to look at it, the point is that there's nothing fundamentally in the way of us assuming this radically reoriented relationship to life, other than the personal and cultural resistance and skepticism we experience internally at the thought of taking such a bold and audacious stance.

How this all relates to my writing is that because I'm more aware of this particular aspect of reality I find that I am compelled to look more deeply into my own motives. If I know that I can choose to assume this relationship to life and allow my writing, to some degree, to be an expression of Spirit without the need for any particular preparation or spontaneous inspiration then it would seem the choice to avoid doing so implies I'm holding something back or avoiding something, that I am recoiling from the opportunity and challenge to really contribute in a meaningful and significant way, whatever that might look like.

And so I've come to see more clearly, when I take a closer look at myself, that I have so much to say but that part of me is terrified to say it. A bit of that might be fear of offending or confusing others, or of being critiqued and questioned, but the truth is that I'm learning to appreciate these challenges. I've much room for growth in this area but I am growing.

No, more than anything else it seems the issue is my ego's irrational refusal to change and, more importantly, my identification with that position.

I experience much fear and resistance to publicly speaking these deeper spiritual truths - as I understand them - because I'm being confronted more deeply with the inescapable reality that the implications they have on my own life are enormous. The ego is interested in philosophical discussion and debate and finds intriguing ideas very compelling, but not in a way much different than a dog finds its new chew toy endlessly fascinating. Ideas, by themselves, accomplish nothing. It is only when they are manifest in the world through our conscious actions that they gain the power to affect the world. And this, with regards to spiritual transformation, is exactly what the ego wants nothing to do with.

When I begin to discover within myself the motivation to take responsibility for all that I know and have experienced, I also discover an extreme resistance from another part of the self towards taking any kind of responsibility at all. This part of the self always wants 'wiggle room,' to keep things vague and hidden and ambiguous so that I'm never confronted with my own lack of integrity in failing to live up to the highest ideals that I've come to recognize and value.

As soon as we become very clear and uncompromising in our intention to spiritually evolve, this part of the self completely freaks out because it is no longer the center of attention, as we continue to relinquish the 'freedom' to live out of our silly little ego.

I'm also realizing that if I really am interested in my own spiritual transformation, and the evolution of consciousness and culture, then I need to face these challenges directly and embrace the personal implications that emerge. That's not to say this is something we do on our own, 'lone wolf'-style. Far from it. We unequivocally need to engage with others who share this transformative spiritual intention to co-create contexts to explore, and structures to hold, these higher values together, whatever they might be.

I apologize for holding back so much of what I have to contribute through this space and I desire to be held accountable in offering more of what I'm able to offer, for the benefit of us all.

Thank you.