Back and forth, back and forth,
I float on the waves as the storm rages around me.
I know not where I am, though land seems far, far away.
A wave washes over me, carrying me to the depths below.
A moment of peace.
Water fills my lungs as I fight to reach the surface,
Coughing and sputtering as I go.
How much longer can I go on like this?
To sink beneath the waves and never return seems like utter bliss,
And yet some part of me will not concede to such madness.
I struggle to stay afloat,
To keep my head above the water.
Who will save me?
Who will rescue me from such struggle?
Silence.
I feel the urge to give up,
To simply let go,
And sink down to the depths,
To trust.
Trust what? Who?
I do not know.
Such faith is a luxury I cannot afford,
For life and death hang in the balance.
I search out signs of coming help,
But all I see are black clouds,
All I hear is the pouring rain,
And the sound of the beating waves.
I have nothing to hold onto,
No one to turn to.
If I sink I will surely drown!
And yet I can do little else,
Struggling to stay afloat.
I know I must let go,
To fall into the depths of my own being,
And trust that death is not the end.
Do I have the courage to do such a thing?
Do I have the strength of intention to truly let go,
To surrender to this certain death?
Part of me must die, this is true,
Yet I do not feel ready to die.
What is beyond such death?
Who will I be?
I am faced with a choice,
Death for life.
To embrace this life,
I must never return.
Surrender shakes my soul,
And I am overwhelmed.
I yearn for freedom,
Yet I refuse to let go.
Panic.
I hear a voice within,
Promising that it is safe.
Do I trust this voice?
All lies, perhaps,
Trying to deceive me!
But there is a gentleness to the voice,
An invitation to trust,
To rest in what I cannot see.
Who would dare to ask this of me?
To embrace such folly?
I will not!
I choke on more water,
As I thrash about in the endless sea.
Could such promises be true?
True enough to risk all that I have and know and am?
Silence.
It slowly dawns on me,
Like the rising sun,
Piercing my soul,
There is but one way to find out.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
So, you are taking my advice and doing something different. Good on you.
This would make an interesting song.
A dark poem. I wonder if everything is alright...
Your poem brought some verses to mind that resonate with me, and I hope you can see some truth and hope in them as well:
“But me he caught – reached all the way from sky to sea; he pulled me out of that ocean of hate, that enemy chaos, the void in which I was drowning. They hit me when I was down, but God stuck by me, He stood me up on a wide-open field; I stood there saved – surprised to be loved!”
2 Samuel 22:17-20 (The Message)
And...
“It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for.”
Ephesians 1:12
All the best on your journey, Matthew.
That would make an interesting song, Chris:) I guess I am taking your advice, even if I didn't realize it...Also, I don't consider it a 'dark poem,' actually. I find it filled with hope for what's possible.
And anonymous (my email had it from Marc? C'est vrai?) thank you for sharing those verses. I think they're pointing to something similar, though my perspective for this metaphor is that the sea isn't full of hate and that God lies in its depths, not somewhere in the sky.
The reason it's hopeful for me is that it's not about escaping death but going through death. This kind of 'dying to self' is what the spiritual path is really founded upon, from my understanding.
Maybe for me the question is do we trust God enough, not to simply rescue us from death but to breathe life into us once we've embraced our own crucifixion?
You have shared such intimate moments of perhaps your life's greatest decision...risking all and trusting that "gentle voice" to provide you with life.
Thank you, Matt...
If by "Marc" you mean me (Vandersluys), then no, it wasn't me.
I did mean you but I now have no idea why that comment had your name in it when it was sent to my email...strange.
Post a Comment
Your Thoughts