36 hours devoted to meditation.
What do I have to show for it?
Nothing.
No-thing.
There is no 'thing' to show for all of my efforts.
And yet the world does not look the same way it once did.
I've practiced meditation for the past year and a half, fairly consistently, and yet I'm still a rookie, by far. But the great thing is that the posture of meditation is so simple; choosing to have no relationship to your experience, regardless of what that experience might be. That's why, when we really do it, it's so powerful. When else do we have the freedom to have no relationship to anything? The experience itself may or may not 'feel' powerful or peaceful or anything else. The power is in assuming a position that is absolute - not having a relationship with anything.
"What on earth is he talking about?"
At the end of the 36 hours I didn't feel particularly enlightened. I felt a little tired, confused, and perhaps even a bit melancholy. I expected it to be a significant experience, that I would emerge from the endeavour a profoundly changed person. I do not feel like a profoundly changed person. And yet something shifted, to which I can only point with metaphors. As if you would expect anything different!
It's as though I've lived my entire life in a small box, feeling the walls to get a sense of where I am and now, suddenly, when I reach out my arms the walls are no longer where I thought they were...
I feel compelled to question how real are the boundaries that keep me in place? How solid is the place from which I am standing and judging the world and my experience? We all assume that what we're standing on is solid, that our understanding of reality is what's really real. It's not necessarily a bad assumption, it's simply a fundamental and reasonable (even if unconscious) assumption that's required to function in this world. Those who do not have a developed sense of this are labeled as mentally disturbed and relegated to institutions if they cannot be helped.
What I'm speaking about, however, is what happens when we already have a firm conviction in the 'realness' of reality but begin to see that our perception and understanding of reality are shockingly limited and subjective. What do we do then? What 'version' of reality are we going to stand upon if not our own? We must stand somewhere, mustn't we?
Yes, we must. In the world of time and form we are always standing somewhere, in relation to everything else, whether we realize it or not. But there is a deeper dimension to reality and who we are that is outside of the realm of time and form. This is what meditation can reveal to us.
Meditation is standing in the absolute. The profundity of the practice is that you are discovering and rediscovering a part of yourself that exists free from all subjective perspectives and opinions about the nature of reality. You are not trying to 'figure out' where to stand or where you are. You are simply surrendering to the absolute nature of reality, which cannot be quantified or measured in anyway.
Once I finished my marathon, part of me immediately wanted to try to figure out whether my experience was 'good' or 'bad,' to judge it in some way. But this dimension of reality cannot be judged because it is absolute and infinite. How could one measure God?
This is what happens when you really meditate, you approach God or Spirit or the Self-Absolute with no barriers or boundaries.
What would it mean to approach God without any idea getting in the way about who or what God is? What would you find?
I could tell you but you might not believe me anyway. If you really want to know, you have to find out for yourself. And it might not even require 36 hours! That's the good news. What it does require is the intention to find out and the willingness to make the noble effort to really let go of our concern and interest in everything. If we don't really want to let go then we're never going to find out what happens when we do. That's pretty simple, isn't it?
If serious contemplation of what it would mean to let go of everything doesn't elicit sheer terror and panic you're either significantly developed or you're not taking this seriously. Of course, it's up to all of us - including myself - to decide how seriously we want to take any of this. If you really sit with what it would mean to let go of absolutely everything, you will most likely encounter the part of yourself that wants nothing to do with such foolishness. But if you can resist the desire to flee you will discover something else, as well.
It's an experiment that virtually all of us can attempt, though doing so without guidance can be quite challenging, I've found.
But why would any of us be willing to contemplate what it would mean to let everything go?
Because we want to be free.
What do I have to show for it?
Nothing.
No-thing.
There is no 'thing' to show for all of my efforts.
And yet the world does not look the same way it once did.
I've practiced meditation for the past year and a half, fairly consistently, and yet I'm still a rookie, by far. But the great thing is that the posture of meditation is so simple; choosing to have no relationship to your experience, regardless of what that experience might be. That's why, when we really do it, it's so powerful. When else do we have the freedom to have no relationship to anything? The experience itself may or may not 'feel' powerful or peaceful or anything else. The power is in assuming a position that is absolute - not having a relationship with anything.
"What on earth is he talking about?"
At the end of the 36 hours I didn't feel particularly enlightened. I felt a little tired, confused, and perhaps even a bit melancholy. I expected it to be a significant experience, that I would emerge from the endeavour a profoundly changed person. I do not feel like a profoundly changed person. And yet something shifted, to which I can only point with metaphors. As if you would expect anything different!
It's as though I've lived my entire life in a small box, feeling the walls to get a sense of where I am and now, suddenly, when I reach out my arms the walls are no longer where I thought they were...
I feel compelled to question how real are the boundaries that keep me in place? How solid is the place from which I am standing and judging the world and my experience? We all assume that what we're standing on is solid, that our understanding of reality is what's really real. It's not necessarily a bad assumption, it's simply a fundamental and reasonable (even if unconscious) assumption that's required to function in this world. Those who do not have a developed sense of this are labeled as mentally disturbed and relegated to institutions if they cannot be helped.
What I'm speaking about, however, is what happens when we already have a firm conviction in the 'realness' of reality but begin to see that our perception and understanding of reality are shockingly limited and subjective. What do we do then? What 'version' of reality are we going to stand upon if not our own? We must stand somewhere, mustn't we?
Yes, we must. In the world of time and form we are always standing somewhere, in relation to everything else, whether we realize it or not. But there is a deeper dimension to reality and who we are that is outside of the realm of time and form. This is what meditation can reveal to us.
Meditation is standing in the absolute. The profundity of the practice is that you are discovering and rediscovering a part of yourself that exists free from all subjective perspectives and opinions about the nature of reality. You are not trying to 'figure out' where to stand or where you are. You are simply surrendering to the absolute nature of reality, which cannot be quantified or measured in anyway.
Once I finished my marathon, part of me immediately wanted to try to figure out whether my experience was 'good' or 'bad,' to judge it in some way. But this dimension of reality cannot be judged because it is absolute and infinite. How could one measure God?
This is what happens when you really meditate, you approach God or Spirit or the Self-Absolute with no barriers or boundaries.
What would it mean to approach God without any idea getting in the way about who or what God is? What would you find?
I could tell you but you might not believe me anyway. If you really want to know, you have to find out for yourself. And it might not even require 36 hours! That's the good news. What it does require is the intention to find out and the willingness to make the noble effort to really let go of our concern and interest in everything. If we don't really want to let go then we're never going to find out what happens when we do. That's pretty simple, isn't it?
If serious contemplation of what it would mean to let go of everything doesn't elicit sheer terror and panic you're either significantly developed or you're not taking this seriously. Of course, it's up to all of us - including myself - to decide how seriously we want to take any of this. If you really sit with what it would mean to let go of absolutely everything, you will most likely encounter the part of yourself that wants nothing to do with such foolishness. But if you can resist the desire to flee you will discover something else, as well.
It's an experiment that virtually all of us can attempt, though doing so without guidance can be quite challenging, I've found.
But why would any of us be willing to contemplate what it would mean to let everything go?
Because we want to be free.
4 comments:
It is good that you made time for this valuable initiative for your life. I trust the experience will become a point of reference in your walk along the Spiritual path. Perhaps others will wish to dialogue too, at some point, regarding your many thoughts on meditation. You have excellent thoughts and I appreciate your sharing all of this in your blog space, Matt.
Well, I appreciate your encouragement and appreciation! And your willingness to engage with me and share your thoughts, which might be good to share in this space, too:)
very nice and inspiring ,your writing is.
not take it personal ,whatever you expirience is a great thing to do and can get you deep into spirit.
its one side of practise.
another side is ,to actualy welcome all expirience and accept them and go fully and conciously into them.
both together,
very powerful it will be for you .
jion blonstein
(germany)
I agree that the other side is deep engagement...something I've avoided for a long time! I think what both sides have in common is that true freedom is in an absolute relationship to life, though that does seem terrifying to me to think about, having an absolute relationship to no-thing or to everything!
Thanks for the encouragement, Jion;)
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