'Tis the Season

I've changed a lot over these past years in ways that I was not able to fully imagine. Has it been good? Well, that depends on where you're standing. My conviction has been growing that no matter what amazing insights I might gain into the nature of reality and the meaning of life itself and how we are to live, it's all fairly insubstantial if I'm unwilling to really live these things out in the choices that I make in the relationships that I share with others and the world.

Am I really doing this? In some ways, yes, and in many ways, no. I think I'm more on the “no” side of things at this point and I can see how hypocritical that is, especially to those who see these inconsistencies more clearly.

Human beings are complicated, are we not? Most of us do and say things we regret, things we wouldn't do or say in our best moments. We're not perfect. But even if perfection is out of the picture, we can become so much more than we are. Christmas, to me, isn't about a baby born in a manger 2000 years ago but rather it's significance is found in what it is pointing towards: an incredible possibility.

It's a celebration of the birth of Jesus and yet it's also a time to consider and celebrate what his message was: that deep and profound transformation is genuinely possible, that being 'only human' can, in fact, express a radically different relationship to life than what we may believe is possible, one that is more positive, fulfilling and meaningful than we might be able to imagine.

Whatever path you're walking down, my desire for you is that you do not give up on this possibility. What keeps us from taking some significant steps forward is often our own cynicism about what's really possible, what we're capable of doing, and how much change we can deal with. This is something we will all continue to face, over and over again, until we either give up on the possibility for real and lasting change or we give up our cynicism and self-limiting assumptions. My hope for myself and for you is the latter:)

Whatever path you are on, my hope for this new year is that we will all take steps forward, in whatever ways we can, no matter how big or small.

Meditation

36 hours devoted to meditation.

What do I have to show for it?

Nothing.

No-thing.

There is no 'thing' to show for all of my efforts.

And yet the world does not look the same way it once did.

I've practiced meditation for the past year and a half, fairly consistently, and yet I'm still a rookie, by far. But the great thing is that the posture of meditation is so simple; choosing to have no relationship to your experience, regardless of what that experience might be. That's why, when we really do it, it's so powerful.  When else do we have the freedom to have no relationship to anything?  The experience itself may or may not 'feel' powerful or peaceful or anything else. The power is in assuming a position that is absolute - not having a relationship with anything.

"What on earth is he talking about?"

At the end of the 36 hours I didn't feel particularly enlightened. I felt a little tired, confused, and perhaps even a bit melancholy. I expected it to be a significant experience, that I would emerge from the endeavour a profoundly changed person. I do not feel like a profoundly changed person. And yet something shifted, to which I can only point with metaphors. As if you would expect anything different!

It's as though I've lived my entire life in a small box, feeling the walls to get a sense of where I am and now, suddenly, when I reach out my arms the walls are no longer where I thought they were...

I feel compelled to question how real are the boundaries that keep me in place? How solid is the place from which I am standing and judging the world and my experience? We all assume that what we're standing on is solid, that our understanding of reality is what's really real. It's not necessarily a bad assumption, it's simply a fundamental and reasonable (even if unconscious) assumption that's required to function in this world. Those who do not have a developed sense of this are labeled as mentally disturbed and relegated to institutions if they cannot be helped.

What I'm speaking about, however, is what happens when we already have a firm conviction in the 'realness' of reality but begin to see that our perception and understanding of reality are shockingly limited and subjective. What do we do then? What 'version' of reality are we going to stand upon if not our own? We must stand somewhere, mustn't we?

Yes, we must.  In the world of time and form we are always standing somewhere, in relation to everything else, whether we realize it or not.  But there is a deeper dimension to reality and who we are that is outside of the realm of time and form.  This is what meditation can reveal to us.

Meditation is standing in the absolute.  The profundity of the practice is that you are discovering and rediscovering a part of yourself that exists free from all subjective perspectives and opinions about the nature of reality. You are not trying to 'figure out' where to stand or where you are. You are simply surrendering to the absolute nature of reality, which cannot be quantified or measured in anyway.

Once I finished my marathon, part of me immediately wanted to try to figure out whether my experience was 'good' or 'bad,' to judge it in some way. But this dimension of reality cannot be judged because it is absolute and infinite. How could one measure God?  

This is what happens when you really meditate, you approach God or Spirit or the Self-Absolute with no barriers or boundaries.

What would it mean to approach God without any idea getting in the way about who or what God is? What would you find?

I could tell you but you might not believe me anyway. If you really want to know, you have to find out for yourself.  And it might not even require 36 hours!  That's the good news.  What it does require is the intention to find out and the willingness to make the noble effort to really let go of our concern and interest in everything.  If we don't really want to let go then we're never going to find out what happens when we do.  That's pretty simple, isn't it?

If serious contemplation of what it would mean to let go of everything doesn't elicit sheer terror and panic you're either significantly developed or you're not taking this seriously. Of course, it's up to all of us - including myself - to decide how seriously we want to take any of this.  If you really sit with what it would mean to let go of absolutely everything, you will most likely encounter the part of yourself that wants nothing to do with such foolishness.  But if you can resist the desire to flee you will discover something else, as well.


It's an experiment that virtually all of us can attempt, though doing so without guidance can be quite challenging, I've found.

But why would any of us be willing to contemplate what it would mean to let everything go?

Because we want to be free. 

Through the Looking Glass

"Knock and the door shall be opened unto you." - Mt. 7:7

So what's on the other side of the door?  If the teachings of Jesus really are about transformation, and not simply self-improvement, who is the 'self' that is on the other side of the door once we step through? 

I understand that we all have at least some desire to be the best we can be, whether we actually do anything about it or not.  Maybe we don't see much potential for our lives but I would guess that most of us share a desire to live up to whatever potential we do see, whatever that might mean.  And there's nothing inherently wrong with this.  It's not 'wrong', it's just limited.  It's coming from a perspective that says human development and growth is a linear affair. 

In many ways, it is. 

But not every way. 

Being "born again" is not about simply becoming an upgraded version of who you already are.  So if you walk through this metaphorical door, who are you?  What is the nature of spiritual transformation?  Are we the same person only nicer?  Do all of our secret, nasty fears and desires vanish without a trace forever?  Will we still know how to tie our shoes?

I think Jesus was all about transformation.  "New wine for new wineskins," and all that business.  But how many people really believe this is possible?  We might believe that we'll be transformed in heaven but what about now?  I think many of us, if we believe in any kind of deep and profound spiritual transformation, relegate such things strictly to divine intervention that we have no part in and which likely won't happen this side of the grave. 

But then I wonder, what if such transformation is possible, here and now?  Would we believe it even if it slapped us in the face?  We, understandably, have a hard time knowing who we would be after this kind of radical shift in identity.  We think, "If I'm not me, who would I be?" 

Well, if you weren't 'you,' who would you be?  Imagine it, if you would.  WHO ARE YOU???  When you stop focusing on your ideas about who you are, when all of that falls away from your attention, what is left? 

Who are when we let go of all of our ideas about who we are?

To answer that, you have to really do it.

In a few days, I'm going to be devoting 24 hours to meditation, to experientially exploring these questions by giving a significant chunk of my time and energy to living them out.  If you'd like to support me in some way or want to find out more, you can visit here.  I'll let you know what I find but I have a funny feeling that you might not believe me when I tell you...